McDaniel Musings: My Grandpa, My Hero

Grandpa, did you know that you are my hero? The fact that you're gone doesn't change that. You will always be my hero. You were the type of man that men wanted to be like, because you had the important things in life: family, a wife who loved you dearly, children, grand-children, and great-grand children who adored you. You had integrity. You worked hard, played hard, and loved fiercely.

I am so blessed to have so many wonderful memories of you. I traveled thousands and thousands of miles with you and Grandma between Caldwell and Stanley, and Caldwell and Oklahoma/Texas. I wish I knew the exact number of miles we covered, windows rolled down in your old truck, pulling the old trailer behind. We spent countless nights in a camping trailer - I remember seeing my first shooting star in the old big camping trailer up on the top bunk. I thought it was an alien spaceship. :)

Grandpa, thank you for always teaching me to be a good person. You always encouraged me to be a lady, even when I was a tiny little girl and I would sit with my knees up with a skirt on. You gently reminded me to always sit with my ankles crossed.  All my life I was your little lady bug and little darlin.

Thank you for always being so kind and so sweet. You were everything a sweet old Grandpa should be, with a little bit of orneriness mixed in. You liked guns and four-letter words, swimming in freezing cold creeks in the mountains and gutting dead animals in the forests. There never has been and never will be anyone else in the whole world like you.

I remember you spending hours underneath car hoods, tinkering with engines and changing oil. I tried so hard to be a little tom-boy so I could help you fix the cars and "run with the boys". I did my best until I was a teenage girl and met Matt. All (well, most) of my tom-boyishness went downhill from there.

Remember the time we were out camping, and I came up behind you to ask you a question and you turned around and sneezed all over me? It was so gross and so hilarious at the same time! You turned so you wouldn't sneeze on whoever you were talking to, and you didn't know I was behind you!

Remember when I used to sit on the couch behind you, brushing your hair and checking it for bugs? I never found any.

Remember the time we were driving down the road, and you were gazing off to the side looking at the scenery and a deer started across the road?   Grandma and I started screaming but neither of us could get any real words out, and you couldn't figure out what was going on because you just though we were playing some sort of game. We had been listening to a lot of Dwight Yokum (sp?) and I think you thought we were singing one of his songs!

Remember all the hikes we went on? All the mountain walks we took? Each and every one is so precious to me. As Winnie the Pooh said, how lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard. You have always held and will forever hold such a special place in my heart.

When we sat around you in your room that early, early morning, the last time I ever got to see you and the last time I ever will say get to say good-bye, it was hard to believe that you were actually leaving us forever (well, on this Earth anyway). You had been so sick, in so much pain. It was heart-breaking to watch you suffer so much over the last several months. I always believed nothing could bring you down. Thank God for prayer, thank God for mercy - no one should have to endure what you endured. I prayed every night that you would find relief, whether through God's healing hand or our sweet Lord calling you home.

November 16th was the night that you became a great angel. I can only smile when I think of the beautiful reunion with your family, with Christian, your parents, your siblings. None of us know for sure what comes after this life. We will never know until we cross that veil into the unknown. But what I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that I will see you again, and that you are rejoicing with friends and family who have passed on before you. Having you there makes my time, the time when I am called home (hopefully many, many, many years from now, God willing), seem a little less scary.

Kissing you good-bye was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my 29 years. I've experienced pain and sorrow, loss and hopelessness, but that last kiss was harder than anything I could have ever imagined.

Thank you for being someone who made it so hard to say goodbye. You are my hero, and I don't know what we will do without you for the rest of our time on this earth. My goal is to make you proud, every single moment.

Grandpa, I know you will be watching over us, watching us make mistakes and celebrate successes and happy times. You won't get to hug my children on their birthdays and enjoy a piece of birthday cake, but I know you will be watching them grow up from the heavens.

You are so dear and sweet to me. Living the rest of our lives without you seems like an eternity, but it is but the briefest of moments in heaven. Go now to your happy hunting grounds. Rest peacefully knowing that we will be okay, that your sweet bride will be okay. She is surrounded by people who love her and support her and wouldn't ever let her be alone in her grief. I know how hard it was for you to leave here, to leave her, but we are okay, and I know that you are better now - no more pain, no more illness. I love you so, so much, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will see you again some day.

Until then, stake out a piece of property for me in heaven. Be happy and rest easy. Enjoy the family and friends who passed on long ago. I will see you again. Vaya con Dios, Grandpa.

Your loving granddaughter,

Kristina