It's been almost three months since I left the working world. As you may remember from a previous blog post, that was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. Marrying Matt wasn't a difficult decision at all. We'd been best friends since 14 and I somehow always knew that I would marry him and live happily ever after. *love* Deciding to start a family wasn't a difficult decision - I had been wanting a baby for long time. It was mostly convincing Matt that it was the "right time" to have a baby, because he was the typical uber-responsible guy and was waiting for financial security (what is that, anyway? Having enough money for whatever we want without ever having to work a day again?) Buying a house wasn't a difficult decision - we were ready and excited for home-ownership and wanted to have a house of our very own to bring our first baby home to. Quitting a job that I liked, made great money at, and had a sense of pride and responsibility in? Yeah, that was a tough one. I won't rehash the whole grueling decision making process - just remember it was a tough one. However, there is nothing more important I can think of than staying home and spending every moment possible loving and teaching and playing and reading and taking care of your children, whether it's Mom or Dad. If you have the means and the desire, I am all for it.
These last three months have definitely been an adjustment. There are good days and bad days, days when I go to bed at night happy and content and on top of the world, and then other nights when I feel like a total loser failure Mommy and need a re-do for my day. I hate those days. Those are usually the days with both kids are running and screaming and getting into everything, unrolling toilet-paper rolls, emptying every unlocked cabinet in the kitchen, spilling cups, tracking dirt everywhere, spreading poop or pee everywhere, pulling each others hair, not sharing and therefore screaming at each other, emptying my purse and destroying my chapstick - you name it. On days like that I find that if I start to yell, then I yell about every little thing and that's not a good way to respond. Yelling doesn't get you anywhere with a 1 and 3 year old.
The last few weeks I have really been trying to respond with patience, quietness and problem-solving rather than dictating. It's been a real challenge, but when I have succeed, the day usually goes much better and both Audrey and Kellen listen a lot more. I really, really love staying home with the kids. I feel like I have missed out on so much of their lives, even the little things like funny conversations and silly things they say. I want to soak up every minute of their being this age because sometime in the not-too-distant future, they are going to be teenager and suddenly I won't be their whole world and life's happiness anymore.
And still, I miss working.
Whenever I go to the bank I get to visit for a few minutes with my dear ex-coworkers and catch up a little bit, and I feel so left out! Victor may walk by and say, "Hey Tina, wanna book this loan for me?", or Jeremy or Lalo might ask me a question about something that happened a few months back with a customer right before I left. Sometimes I want to jump right back in and help out, or jump behind the teller line and cash a check or open an account. Alas, no matter how nostalgic I feel about my former employed life, I still believe there is nothing better I could be doing with my time than spending it with my children and family. I truly and blessed. I'm sure there are parents out there who wish more than anything to stay home with their kids, but are unable to because of finances or some other situation. I am sure there are also those parents who stay home against their will, whether it's because their significant other expects it of them and they feel trapped, or perhaps they lost their job and are forced to stay home while looking for employment. I am very lucky in that my whole situation is all my choice and God's good grace and blessings.
Moving on to something a little less sentimental -
Audrey is doing great in preschool! She loves her class and her teacher, and picture day is tomorrow! I am super excited! The last several weeks they have been working on colors, and each day they are assigned a specific color. They get to find something from home or nature that is that color and bring it to class to share with everyone. Now that they have gone through all the colors, they are working on shapes. In addition to picture day tomorrow, it's also circle day! Audrey already knows all of her shapes, colors, letters, many numbers, and is working really hard on writing and sounding things out, but she enjoys all of the activities and spending time with the other kids.
I am really enjoying the 4 or 5 extra hours a week I get to spend one-on-one with my little Kellen man. He and I play and read and work on shapes and letters and colors, and it's really been great to watch is learning explode over the last several weeks. He and I have never had one-on-one time, and I have seen a big difference in him since it started at the beginning of September. He is so happy and such a wonderful and loving little boy (though he can absolutely be a little terror at times)
I have been making an effort lately to be a little more social as well. Before preschool started, I was taking the kids to a weekly play-date with kids from church at the park. The kids really enjoyed it and I love spending with with other ladies and chit-chatting. Sometimes I don't really realize how closed-off and "hermit-like" I am most of the time until I am in a social setting and I realize it's been a while since I've done that! I would like to spend more time with other people hanging out and playing games, as it's always a blast and I never come home saying, "Wow, that was awful I wish we hadn't done that." :) We recently spent an evening with a couple families from church for one of their birthdays. We ate pumpkin cake and lemon bars and played a game, and it was so much fun! I really miss doing things like that! It makes me feel normal and human!
This coming Saturday is the big 2-9 for me, and I say big because it's the birthday before the REALLY BIG 3-0 next year! I've decided that come September 29, 2013, I'm going to start counting backwards, so that by the time I reach 60 I'll just be turning 1. Then I can start over again, and if I live to 90, I'll only be at 30! Haha!!
My next blog will be about my big adventure this weekend for my birthday....zip-lining! So stay tuned! Hopefully I'll have a fun story and pictures!
Until then...
Be kind to one another.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Practicing Parenting
When I was thinking about having children for the first time five years ago or so, I had this idea in my head: I would be given this beautiful perfect flawless little girl (which I was) who was blonde with blue eyes (which she has), and she would be quiet, submissive, always listen, never get into trouble, and want to hug and cuddle and hang on my every word, never defying me or telling me "NO!" or challenge me in any way until she was a teenager. I really don't know what I was thinking. I am generally not a naive person. I'm pretty real and I see the world for what it is, so I don't know where I got this idea into my head that I would have this perfect little baby bundle that I could shape and form into anything I wanted.
Fast-forward to the present.
I love my children with all my heart. They are beautiful and smart and healthy and everything I want them to be, but they are NOT quiet, submissive, they rarely listen to me, like to get into trouble, rarely want a hug or kiss, they do NOT hang on my every word, and they love to defy me and tell me "NO!", and I assure you, there are days when they are quite challenging. But guess what? Even on days when I want to tear out my hair and I'm practically in tears of frustration, I wouldn't have it any other way. They are who they are, and if I could change them, they wouldn't be the little people they were born to be.
I really think that "parenting" should be renamed "practicing parenting." We are all doctors of philosophy in parenting - we can read and study and find out everything there is to know about parenting and what works or doesn't work, what's recommended and what's not recommended, etc. But it all comes down to the fact none of us have any idea what we are doing - we are just practicing parenting. Try one thing, if it doesn't work then try something different. If that doesn't work, then try, try again until we find something that does. If we find something that works great, then it's a wildly successful day, and we can keep doing that thing over and over again until it doesn't work anymore and we have to try again.
No two children are alike. We can read and study and learn about parenting all we want, take suggestions, give advice, and take it to heart, but what works for one child doesn't always work for another child. I will be the first to say if I have a question or need advice, I will go to someone with experience and ask. For example, I recently asked on Facebook if parents of boys potty trained them standing or sitting. Everyone had great advice, and I took it all to heart! It's wonderful that we can learn from others. We just always have to keep in mind that no two children are alike, and we have to practice and practice and practice. It's just the best we can do, and as long as we are giving it our best every single moment of every day, there's no way we can fail.
That's what I try to tell myself over and over during the day. Especially days like yesterday when neither Audrey or Kellen listening to anything I said, and did exactly the opposite of what I asked them to do. Mama said there would be days like that, right? I really, really hate that my first reaction is always to yell at them. That'll get their attention, right?! Just YELL or BARK and tell them to knock it off! Sadly (or not) , I have found that often times that worsens the problem. They see they get a funny reaction out of me and keep on doing what they are doing. Yesterday when they were being particularly challenging, I again found myself yelling often without getting any results. Finally about lunch time, Audrey asked me to turn on an episode of Caillou (her favorite show) while they ate lunch. I wasn't going to because I was so irritated with their behavior, but I walked over to turn on the show, and when I turned around, I saw two happy little innocent creatures watching me, and I felt like a total mommy bully. I hate yelling. It's so not me, yet I do it too much. It softened my heart to look at them looking up to me and it completely changed my attitude for the rest of the day. The rest of the day if they were difficult or weren't listening, I found that if I got down on their level and quietly spoke to them, no matter how much I wanted to yell, I could usually get a change in behavior. Score in practicing parenting!
My goal from now on is to stop yelling. It's so ugly and stupid and dysfunctional. I want to raise my children with peace and love and kindness. I know, too, that I am really hard on myself as a parent, and at the end of the day when I am reflecting on the events of the day, I often feel like a total loser Mommy and think of all the things I want to change and improve and make better. I rarely look at the positive when it comes to me being a Mom. That's another thing I want to change. I love my children dearly, and they know that I love them. I am always kissing and hugging and telling them I love them. I love reading books with them. I love coloring and painting with them. I love playing on the floor and tickling and being silly, or dancing in the kitchen to "Boom Boom Pow" them them. I can see it when I look in their eyes how much they love and adore me. I know I'm a good Mom deep down. Sometimes I just tell myself otherwise.
So from now on, I want to look at the positive, and respond with love and gentleness. I hope for peace and love and happiness for my kids, and if that's what I want them to be, it's my responsibility to teach them using peace, love and kindness.
Here's to positively practicing parenting today, tomorrow and every day!
Now for a little recent family news: We finally bought Audrey a new bed! She's been in a used day-bed which served it's purpose well I suppose, but it always freaked me out a little bit because it reminded me of a hospital bed. A couple weeks ago we finally went out bed shopping and found a cute little twin for Audrey. It wasn't my first choice. My first choice was a $1000 tree-house type bed with a loft, build-in desk, and all sorts of bells and whistles. But, I am a practical person and seeing as how she's three and has a little room, I knew that bed was out of the question.
We also converted Kellen's crib into a toddler bed! He is so excited about it, and loves his new big boy bed. I was a little worried about it at first because that kid is all boy - I figured I'd find him on top of his dresser or trying to climb out of the window with his new-found freedom, but we haven't had any problems at all. He stays in bed all night and at nap time, and when he wakes up he plays for a while before I go get him up. My baby boy is growing up too fast!
Fast-forward to the present.
I love my children with all my heart. They are beautiful and smart and healthy and everything I want them to be, but they are NOT quiet, submissive, they rarely listen to me, like to get into trouble, rarely want a hug or kiss, they do NOT hang on my every word, and they love to defy me and tell me "NO!", and I assure you, there are days when they are quite challenging. But guess what? Even on days when I want to tear out my hair and I'm practically in tears of frustration, I wouldn't have it any other way. They are who they are, and if I could change them, they wouldn't be the little people they were born to be.
I really think that "parenting" should be renamed "practicing parenting." We are all doctors of philosophy in parenting - we can read and study and find out everything there is to know about parenting and what works or doesn't work, what's recommended and what's not recommended, etc. But it all comes down to the fact none of us have any idea what we are doing - we are just practicing parenting. Try one thing, if it doesn't work then try something different. If that doesn't work, then try, try again until we find something that does. If we find something that works great, then it's a wildly successful day, and we can keep doing that thing over and over again until it doesn't work anymore and we have to try again.
No two children are alike. We can read and study and learn about parenting all we want, take suggestions, give advice, and take it to heart, but what works for one child doesn't always work for another child. I will be the first to say if I have a question or need advice, I will go to someone with experience and ask. For example, I recently asked on Facebook if parents of boys potty trained them standing or sitting. Everyone had great advice, and I took it all to heart! It's wonderful that we can learn from others. We just always have to keep in mind that no two children are alike, and we have to practice and practice and practice. It's just the best we can do, and as long as we are giving it our best every single moment of every day, there's no way we can fail.
That's what I try to tell myself over and over during the day. Especially days like yesterday when neither Audrey or Kellen listening to anything I said, and did exactly the opposite of what I asked them to do. Mama said there would be days like that, right? I really, really hate that my first reaction is always to yell at them. That'll get their attention, right?! Just YELL or BARK and tell them to knock it off! Sadly (or not) , I have found that often times that worsens the problem. They see they get a funny reaction out of me and keep on doing what they are doing. Yesterday when they were being particularly challenging, I again found myself yelling often without getting any results. Finally about lunch time, Audrey asked me to turn on an episode of Caillou (her favorite show) while they ate lunch. I wasn't going to because I was so irritated with their behavior, but I walked over to turn on the show, and when I turned around, I saw two happy little innocent creatures watching me, and I felt like a total mommy bully. I hate yelling. It's so not me, yet I do it too much. It softened my heart to look at them looking up to me and it completely changed my attitude for the rest of the day. The rest of the day if they were difficult or weren't listening, I found that if I got down on their level and quietly spoke to them, no matter how much I wanted to yell, I could usually get a change in behavior. Score in practicing parenting!
My goal from now on is to stop yelling. It's so ugly and stupid and dysfunctional. I want to raise my children with peace and love and kindness. I know, too, that I am really hard on myself as a parent, and at the end of the day when I am reflecting on the events of the day, I often feel like a total loser Mommy and think of all the things I want to change and improve and make better. I rarely look at the positive when it comes to me being a Mom. That's another thing I want to change. I love my children dearly, and they know that I love them. I am always kissing and hugging and telling them I love them. I love reading books with them. I love coloring and painting with them. I love playing on the floor and tickling and being silly, or dancing in the kitchen to "Boom Boom Pow" them them. I can see it when I look in their eyes how much they love and adore me. I know I'm a good Mom deep down. Sometimes I just tell myself otherwise.
So from now on, I want to look at the positive, and respond with love and gentleness. I hope for peace and love and happiness for my kids, and if that's what I want them to be, it's my responsibility to teach them using peace, love and kindness.
Here's to positively practicing parenting today, tomorrow and every day!
Now for a little recent family news: We finally bought Audrey a new bed! She's been in a used day-bed which served it's purpose well I suppose, but it always freaked me out a little bit because it reminded me of a hospital bed. A couple weeks ago we finally went out bed shopping and found a cute little twin for Audrey. It wasn't my first choice. My first choice was a $1000 tree-house type bed with a loft, build-in desk, and all sorts of bells and whistles. But, I am a practical person and seeing as how she's three and has a little room, I knew that bed was out of the question.
We also converted Kellen's crib into a toddler bed! He is so excited about it, and loves his new big boy bed. I was a little worried about it at first because that kid is all boy - I figured I'd find him on top of his dresser or trying to climb out of the window with his new-found freedom, but we haven't had any problems at all. He stays in bed all night and at nap time, and when he wakes up he plays for a while before I go get him up. My baby boy is growing up too fast!
 |
| Kellen in his big-boy toddler bed. |
 |
| Audrey in Kellen's room, eating a cookie. |
 |
| Audrey's new bed. I could not get her to sit still to save my life! |
 |
| Lounging on her new bed. |
 |
| Princess Audrey. |
 |
| Kellen! |
 |
| The bed I WANTED to get Audrey, but didn't. :) |
Friday, September 7, 2012
A First of Many Firsts
Well, it's happened. My first child, first daughter, first experience with mother-hood has started school. Okay, maybe it's just preschool, but it was still a very exciting day!
The morning went great. I woke Audrey up at 7:30 in the morning (she is used to getting up about 8, so at first she was a little irritated that work her from her beauty sleep, but she quickly happied up when she remembered that it was her first day of school). I then went and gathered up her little brother (who is always happily awake by about 7:15 am and spends 20 minutes talking and singing to himself in his crib while I shower), and plunked them both into a warm bath. They love their bathtime, especially together. The problem is they love to SPLASH, and I usually end up drenched. Word to the wise: wear a rain coat when you bathe my children.
Anyway, after bath time it was time to get dressed for school. Audrey and I carefully laid out her outfit the night before, a super-cute chic purple dress, courtesy of Grandpa Chuck (he also sent a blue one, which she wore for three days and nights before I finally made her take it off because it was filthy), black leggings, and shiny gold boots. I also dressed Kellen like it was his first day of school in new jeans and a cute shirt, though he was just hanging out with me for the day. After everyone was dressed it was time to discuss hair. When I asked Audrey if she wanted a pony tail, pig tails, braids, Aunt Shell hair (which is a braid down the middle pulled back into a pony-tail), or curled hair, she simply answered "yes!", so I had to break them down one by one until she could choose one. Audrey finally settled on curled hair, which also meant we had to bust out the blow dryer (which Audrey isn't a huge fan of).
For those of you who have small children at home, you know that no matter how much you plan ahead and try to have everything ready, it seems like there's never enough time to get everything done in the morning. This particular morning was no different, and I was running out of time. Hair was dried and curled during breakfast time, amidst protests and cries that she wanted me to stop, but I couldn't stop with only one side of her hair curled. Besides which, I still had to take first day of school pictures!
Finally breakfast was eaten, hair was curled, everyone had clothes on right down to their socks, shoes, and accessories. It was time to don the new Tinkerbell backpack and take pictures. Audrey looks beautiful in the camera, but that child does not like her have her picture taken! I had to take about 30 shots to get some good pictures, but the mini photo session turned out fairly well and I got some great pictures.
Believe it or not, I didn't shed a tear as I dropped Audrey off at school. I actually welcomed the thought of one-on-one time with Kellen, since we have had very little of that. When we got to school that morning, I was a little worried that Audrey would have a tough time as she had only met her teacher once, but we walked in and she ran right into her classroom. I had to remind her to get back over here and give me a kiss before she ran in.
Her first day of preschool was a first of many firsts for her and I. As I said before, she's my first baby. She will have many more firsts: first day of kindergarten, first best friends, first boyfriends, first heartbreaks, etc. But, I am determined to take this one first at a time. It's just preschool. She's only 3. I look forward to next many years filled with many firsts.
 |
| She's saying "SCHOOL!" |
The morning went great. I woke Audrey up at 7:30 in the morning (she is used to getting up about 8, so at first she was a little irritated that work her from her beauty sleep, but she quickly happied up when she remembered that it was her first day of school). I then went and gathered up her little brother (who is always happily awake by about 7:15 am and spends 20 minutes talking and singing to himself in his crib while I shower), and plunked them both into a warm bath. They love their bathtime, especially together. The problem is they love to SPLASH, and I usually end up drenched. Word to the wise: wear a rain coat when you bathe my children.
Anyway, after bath time it was time to get dressed for school. Audrey and I carefully laid out her outfit the night before, a super-cute chic purple dress, courtesy of Grandpa Chuck (he also sent a blue one, which she wore for three days and nights before I finally made her take it off because it was filthy), black leggings, and shiny gold boots. I also dressed Kellen like it was his first day of school in new jeans and a cute shirt, though he was just hanging out with me for the day. After everyone was dressed it was time to discuss hair. When I asked Audrey if she wanted a pony tail, pig tails, braids, Aunt Shell hair (which is a braid down the middle pulled back into a pony-tail), or curled hair, she simply answered "yes!", so I had to break them down one by one until she could choose one. Audrey finally settled on curled hair, which also meant we had to bust out the blow dryer (which Audrey isn't a huge fan of).
 |
| Happy big blue eyes! |
Finally breakfast was eaten, hair was curled, everyone had clothes on right down to their socks, shoes, and accessories. It was time to don the new Tinkerbell backpack and take pictures. Audrey looks beautiful in the camera, but that child does not like her have her picture taken! I had to take about 30 shots to get some good pictures, but the mini photo session turned out fairly well and I got some great pictures.
 |
| Tinkerbell backpack. She debated between this one and a Dora bag, but settled on this. Good choice, kid. |
Her first day of preschool was a first of many firsts for her and I. As I said before, she's my first baby. She will have many more firsts: first day of kindergarten, first best friends, first boyfriends, first heartbreaks, etc. But, I am determined to take this one first at a time. It's just preschool. She's only 3. I look forward to next many years filled with many firsts.
 |
| Brother and sister. They love holding hands. <3 br="br"> |
 |
| I'm not sure what this face is... |
 |
| Happy girl! |
 |
| She looks like me in this picture. |
 |
| Post first day of school, eating a marshmallow. |
 |
| Kellen riding "Flicka". He loves riding that horse. |
 |
| Playing their harmonicas. |
 |
| Stacking cans. |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)