Practicing Parenting

When I was thinking about having children for the first time five years ago or so, I had this idea in my head: I would be given this beautiful perfect flawless little girl (which I was) who was blonde with blue eyes (which she has), and she would be quiet, submissive, always listen, never get into trouble, and want to hug and cuddle and hang on my every word, never defying me or telling me "NO!" or challenge me in any way until she was a teenager.  I really don't know what I was thinking.  I am generally not a naive person.  I'm pretty real and I see the world for what it is, so I don't know where I got this idea into my head that I would have this perfect little baby bundle that I could shape and form into anything I wanted.

Fast-forward to the present.

I love my children with all my heart.  They are beautiful and smart and healthy and everything I want them to be, but they are NOT quiet, submissive, they rarely listen to me, like to get into trouble, rarely want a hug or kiss, they do NOT hang on my every word, and they love to defy me and tell me "NO!", and I assure you, there are days when they are quite challenging.  But guess what?  Even on days when I want to tear out my hair and I'm practically in tears of frustration, I wouldn't have it any other way.  They are who they are, and if I could change them, they wouldn't be the little people they were born to be.

I really think that "parenting" should be renamed "practicing parenting."  We are all doctors of philosophy in parenting - we can read and study and find out everything there is to know about parenting and what works or doesn't work, what's recommended and what's not recommended, etc.  But it all comes down to the fact none of us have any idea what we are doing - we are just practicing parenting.  Try one thing, if it doesn't work then try something different.  If that doesn't work, then try, try again until we find something that does.  If we find something that works great, then it's a wildly successful day, and we can keep doing that thing over and over again until it doesn't work anymore and we have to try again.

No two children are alike.  We can read and study and learn about parenting all we want, take suggestions, give advice, and take it to heart, but what works for one child doesn't always work for another child.  I will be the first to say if I have a question or need advice, I will go to someone with experience and ask.  For example, I recently asked on Facebook if parents of boys potty trained them standing or sitting. Everyone had great advice, and I took it all to heart!  It's wonderful that we can learn from others.  We just always have to keep in mind that no two children are alike, and we have to practice and practice and practice.  It's just the best we can do, and as long as we are giving it our best every single moment of every day, there's no way we can fail.

That's what I try to tell myself over and over during the day.  Especially days like yesterday when neither Audrey or Kellen listening to anything I said, and did exactly the opposite of what I asked them to do.  Mama said there would be days like that, right?  I really, really hate that my first reaction is always to yell at them.  That'll get their attention, right?!  Just YELL or BARK and tell them to knock it off!  Sadly (or not) , I have found that often times that worsens the problem.  They see they get a funny reaction out of me and keep on doing what they are doing.  Yesterday when they were being particularly challenging, I again found myself yelling often without getting any results.  Finally about lunch time, Audrey asked me to turn on an episode of Caillou (her favorite show) while they ate lunch. I wasn't going to because I was so irritated with their behavior, but I walked over to turn on the show, and when I turned around, I saw two happy little innocent creatures watching me, and I felt like a total mommy bully. I hate yelling. It's so not me, yet I do it too much.  It softened my heart to look at them looking up to me and it completely changed my attitude for the rest of the day.  The rest of the day if they were difficult or weren't listening, I found that if I got down on their level and quietly spoke to them, no matter how much I wanted to yell, I could usually get a change in behavior.  Score in practicing parenting!

 My goal from now on is to stop yelling.  It's so ugly and stupid and dysfunctional.  I want to raise my children with peace and love and kindness.  I know, too, that I am really hard on myself as a parent, and at the end of the day when I am reflecting on the events of the day, I often feel like a total loser Mommy and think of all the things I want to change and improve and make better. I rarely look at the positive when it comes to me being a Mom.  That's another thing I want to change. I love my children dearly, and they know that I love them. I am always kissing and hugging and telling them I love them.  I love reading books with them. I love coloring and painting with them.  I love playing on the floor and tickling and being silly, or dancing in the kitchen to "Boom Boom Pow" them them.  I can see it when I look in their eyes how much they love and adore me. I know I'm a good Mom deep down.  Sometimes I just tell myself otherwise.

So from now on, I want to look at the positive, and respond with love and gentleness.  I hope for peace and love and happiness for my kids, and  if that's what I want them to be,  it's my responsibility to teach them using peace, love and kindness.

Here's to positively practicing parenting today, tomorrow and every day! 


Now for a little recent family news:  We finally bought Audrey a new bed!  She's been in a used day-bed which served it's purpose well I suppose, but it always freaked me out a little bit because it reminded me of a hospital bed. A couple weeks ago we finally went out bed shopping and found a cute little twin for Audrey.  It wasn't my first choice.  My first choice was a $1000 tree-house type bed with a loft, build-in desk, and all sorts of bells and whistles. But, I am a practical person and seeing as how she's three and has a little room, I knew that bed was out of the question. 

We also converted Kellen's crib into a toddler bed!  He is so excited about it, and loves his new big boy bed. I was a little worried about it at first because that kid is all boy - I figured I'd find him on top of his dresser or trying to climb out of the window with his new-found freedom, but we haven't had any problems at all.  He stays in bed all night and at nap time, and when he wakes up he plays for a while before I go get him up.  My baby boy is growing up too fast!

Kellen in his big-boy toddler bed.

Audrey in Kellen's room, eating a cookie.

Audrey's new bed. I could not get her to sit still to save my life!

Lounging on her new bed.

Princess Audrey.

Kellen!

The bed I WANTED to get Audrey, but didn't.  :)