It's been almost three months since I left the working world. As you may remember from a previous blog post, that was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. Marrying Matt wasn't a difficult decision at all. We'd been best friends since 14 and I somehow always knew that I would marry him and live happily ever after. *love* Deciding to start a family wasn't a difficult decision - I had been wanting a baby for long time. It was mostly convincing Matt that it was the "right time" to have a baby, because he was the typical uber-responsible guy and was waiting for financial security (what is that, anyway? Having enough money for whatever we want without ever having to work a day again?) Buying a house wasn't a difficult decision - we were ready and excited for home-ownership and wanted to have a house of our very own to bring our first baby home to. Quitting a job that I liked, made great money at, and had a sense of pride and responsibility in? Yeah, that was a tough one. I won't rehash the whole grueling decision making process - just remember it was a tough one. However, there is nothing more important I can think of than staying home and spending every moment possible loving and teaching and playing and reading and taking care of your children, whether it's Mom or Dad. If you have the means and the desire, I am all for it.
These last three months have definitely been an adjustment. There are good days and bad days, days when I go to bed at night happy and content and on top of the world, and then other nights when I feel like a total loser failure Mommy and need a re-do for my day. I hate those days. Those are usually the days with both kids are running and screaming and getting into everything, unrolling toilet-paper rolls, emptying every unlocked cabinet in the kitchen, spilling cups, tracking dirt everywhere, spreading poop or pee everywhere, pulling each others hair, not sharing and therefore screaming at each other, emptying my purse and destroying my chapstick - you name it. On days like that I find that if I start to yell, then I yell about every little thing and that's not a good way to respond. Yelling doesn't get you anywhere with a 1 and 3 year old.
The last few weeks I have really been trying to respond with patience, quietness and problem-solving rather than dictating. It's been a real challenge, but when I have succeed, the day usually goes much better and both Audrey and Kellen listen a lot more. I really, really love staying home with the kids. I feel like I have missed out on so much of their lives, even the little things like funny conversations and silly things they say. I want to soak up every minute of their being this age because sometime in the not-too-distant future, they are going to be teenager and suddenly I won't be their whole world and life's happiness anymore.
And still, I miss working.
Whenever I go to the bank I get to visit for a few minutes with my dear ex-coworkers and catch up a little bit, and I feel so left out! Victor may walk by and say, "Hey Tina, wanna book this loan for me?", or Jeremy or Lalo might ask me a question about something that happened a few months back with a customer right before I left. Sometimes I want to jump right back in and help out, or jump behind the teller line and cash a check or open an account. Alas, no matter how nostalgic I feel about my former employed life, I still believe there is nothing better I could be doing with my time than spending it with my children and family. I truly and blessed. I'm sure there are parents out there who wish more than anything to stay home with their kids, but are unable to because of finances or some other situation. I am sure there are also those parents who stay home against their will, whether it's because their significant other expects it of them and they feel trapped, or perhaps they lost their job and are forced to stay home while looking for employment. I am very lucky in that my whole situation is all my choice and God's good grace and blessings.
Moving on to something a little less sentimental -
Audrey is doing great in preschool! She loves her class and her teacher, and picture day is tomorrow! I am super excited! The last several weeks they have been working on colors, and each day they are assigned a specific color. They get to find something from home or nature that is that color and bring it to class to share with everyone. Now that they have gone through all the colors, they are working on shapes. In addition to picture day tomorrow, it's also circle day! Audrey already knows all of her shapes, colors, letters, many numbers, and is working really hard on writing and sounding things out, but she enjoys all of the activities and spending time with the other kids.
I am really enjoying the 4 or 5 extra hours a week I get to spend one-on-one with my little Kellen man. He and I play and read and work on shapes and letters and colors, and it's really been great to watch is learning explode over the last several weeks. He and I have never had one-on-one time, and I have seen a big difference in him since it started at the beginning of September. He is so happy and such a wonderful and loving little boy (though he can absolutely be a little terror at times)
I have been making an effort lately to be a little more social as well. Before preschool started, I was taking the kids to a weekly play-date with kids from church at the park. The kids really enjoyed it and I love spending with with other ladies and chit-chatting. Sometimes I don't really realize how closed-off and "hermit-like" I am most of the time until I am in a social setting and I realize it's been a while since I've done that! I would like to spend more time with other people hanging out and playing games, as it's always a blast and I never come home saying, "Wow, that was awful I wish we hadn't done that." :) We recently spent an evening with a couple families from church for one of their birthdays. We ate pumpkin cake and lemon bars and played a game, and it was so much fun! I really miss doing things like that! It makes me feel normal and human!
This coming Saturday is the big 2-9 for me, and I say big because it's the birthday before the REALLY BIG 3-0 next year! I've decided that come September 29, 2013, I'm going to start counting backwards, so that by the time I reach 60 I'll just be turning 1. Then I can start over again, and if I live to 90, I'll only be at 30! Haha!!
My next blog will be about my big adventure this weekend for my birthday....zip-lining! So stay tuned! Hopefully I'll have a fun story and pictures!
Until then...
Be kind to one another.
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